[sic]

Did you ever hide under your covers in the morning so that you wouldn't have to go to school?
I did.
I remember getting as far under the covers as I could, then twisting my limbs around in an attempt to look like rumpled sheets. When my mom walked in and said "KARIN, it's time to get uuuuupppp!" I thought she had x-ray vision or something. I mean there was NO WAY she could have known I was under there.

Anyway, I've been thinking about sick days lately. I'm an intern with no real job description and no career goals, so what's the point of showing up to work in the morning? Hiding under the sheets is no longer a dilemma --no one notices when I'm gone anyway. The question is, how many ways can you fake being sick, and how do you make it convincing?

Last Thursday I turned off my alarm in my sleep, so my eyes fluttered open at exactly the time I should be rushing out the door. (An aside: it doesn't matter how much I rush, really. I find ways to be 20 minutes late anyway: sometimes I decide to go after that sticky dust bunny in the bathroom (shedded hair + leaky products = maddening), or to send an e-mail to my friend in Sweden, or I try to do 45 push-ups (like Dr. Oz --Oprah's scrub-wearing, colon-poking friend told me to do every day, being nearly 30)). Instead of doing that "OH SHIT I'M LATE!" dance --skipping a shower, getting dressed as quickly as possible, slapping on makeup, and bolting for the train-- I just waited 20 minutes. I got up and made breakfast, turned on the TV, washed my face.... Then I called the front desk at work, and with a weak, scratchy voice I asked Nikki the receptionist to tell my boss that I wouldn't be in that day. I don't work on Fridays either, so it was a FUCKING FOUR-DAY WEEKEND YEAH!

When I showed up to work this Monday morning, one of the first things I said was "oh man, I still don't feel well..." just in case I wanted to leave early. I legitimately didn't feel good: I was STILL hung-over from my WTF? date on Saturday night (more on that later). Every once in awhile I'd put my head down on my desk or grab my stomach and go "uuuuugggh! man...." JUST IN CASE I wanted to leave early. After lunch, I considered sprinting down the hall to the bathroom, then walking back a few minutes later all slloooooowwwww, and with cold water splashed on my forehead.
"I just puked," I'd say to anyone who noticed. "I better go home."

NO ONE would argue with that. No one. And I'd guess that even if you aren't as lucky as I --even if YOU have a full time job with a salary and benefits and sick vs. personal vs. vacation days-- you could do the same thing and get yourself a free afternoon.

Stop at Dairy Queen on the way home, man. I hear cookie dough blizzards help calm your stomach.